What Saturday nights are for

Unfiltered shot of sunset across Lake Washington.

Friends jammed into one vehicle.
Lake Washington.
Sunsets.
Bats disjointedly flying in the air.
Great conversation about love, life and religion.
A late showing of The Odd Life of Timothy Green.

Exactly what Saturday nights are for!

Summer is nearing it's end up here in the Pacific Northwest, yet September has not been a disappointment. No, not at all. The days are indeed getting shorter, but the days are warm and gorgeous.

I live about 10 minutes from the lake, and I kick myself that I don't take greater advantage of my beautiful surroundings. Luckily, a few friends felt the same way. To the waterfront we went.

Walking along the Kirkland strip is one of my most favorite things to do. The memories are rich and plentiful--feeding the ducks and Tim Noah concerts as a kid, cruising with my friends as a teenager (we thought we were sooooo cool), and now, as an adult, strolling and taking it all in. And did I mention the sunsets are spectacular?

I love the Pacific Northwest!

A new beginning.

Man has it been a month. Not one of my best, I must admit. Despite that, I'm beginning to see a small ray of light through all the dark clouds. Continually, I'm learning how my body reacts to different foods, levels of exercise and insulin, and how stress and hormones can throw everything out of whack. Hormones are not to be messed with!

I am blessed with extremely patient friends and family. Angels, I tell you! High blood glucose levels make me irritable and cranky, and unfortunately there have been quite a few of those moments of late. If any of my dear friends are reading this, to you I am grateful. Grateful that you have not done an about face and ran in the other direction. (Sometimes I'm good at being a storm cloud. Almost too good).

Through all this, I've been reading a TON, trying to figure out how to be healthy and happy. Many times I have wanted to throw in the towel, and give up (hence some of the high blood sugar episodes). But I've come to realize that throwing in the towel won't help. I'll either end up in the hospital (boy, I do not want that to happen!) or seriously depressed. How fun. So I'm choosing not to give up!

I've come to realize that the first thing I need to do is learn how to truly love myself independent of my successes or failures at work, in my love life, church, etc. And to love myself, I think I need to get to know myself again. It's been a looooong while since I've done this. Sad, I know.

On this new-found quest of self-discovery, it's kind of become my very own Happiness Project. I'm just in the beginning stages right now, gathering all the data on how to proceed. I'm excited for new goals, and for becoming the best version of myself ('cause right now, I'm not it).

Here's to starting over! And to figuring what life is all about!

Sometimes I go to the movies by myself...

It's true.

Sometimes I do go to the movies by myself.

But it is a rather recent occurrence. It wasn't until I read this blog post from Joanna Goddard of A Cup of Jo, that I had the guts to try it out.

My first movie: Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1.
I know, I know.
I couldn't find anyone to go with me, and I really wanted to see it. So one evening I decided to just do it. I was a little self-conscious at first, sitting all by myself, but it ended up being the most enjoyable experience. I was able to enjoy the movie without wondering if my friends were thinking it was dumb or lame, because it was a bit. But I think that's why I liked it so much.

Last night, I was really in the mood to see a movie. I'm waiting to see Dark Knight with a roommate, and she wasn't feeling it last night. As I was looking at what films were in theaters, I saw that Step Up Revolution was still playing. It's another one of those movies that I knew I wouldn't find anyone to go with me, so I went on my own.

The acting was bad, but the dancing was amazing. And that's all that really matters in the Step Up series anyways. Even better, a ton of dancers and choreographers from So You Think You Can Dance were involved. Twitch! Mia Michaels!!! Need I say more? There is one scene that is filmed in a museum, and swear I almost cried it was so cool. Dance makes me emotional, okay?

The more I go to the movies on my own, the less awkward I feel. It's empowering!

Have you ever been to a movie by yourself?

A few things...

• Reunions with high school buddies are always fun. Good friend Katherine, whom I've known since 3rd grade is in town for the summer (lucky school district employees!) and we met up with our bud, Troy.Laughter abounded. Stories were swapped. Memories shared. Good times were had by all. 

• I'm finally getting used to my hair cut. Or, should I say, chop. Some days I love it, others I feel like a triangle head. But looking at the above picture, I kind of love it. And that's important

• I'm in to a new Korean drama (I know, I know. I've decided this is my one area of geekness allowed)  called The King 2 Hearts. And so far, I love ti! I have to admit, some dramas, are ridiculous. Super cheesy, and barf worthy. Those I turn off and can't continue. This one is about the tensions between North and South Korea and a fake modern-day royal family. It's interesting to see how Koreans view the rest of the world. Caucasians are the bad guys, and the Americans are portrayed as racist jerk-faces. 

Side note: they rarely have Americans play Americans. 

They're almost always French. 

Which is funny because they

 have terrible accents. 

And, they even had one French guy

 act like he was from the South.

 Seriously?!

 Hilarious!

• My cousin Carli, and  my cousin Barbra Ann both graduated this week! I can't believe they're that old.

Am I that old? 

Because this makes me feel super old! 

• I'm getting stronger!!! Hallelujah! The past few months I've felt like such a weakling, but I'm building up muscle like I'm used to. And I'm finding I can work out harder and longer. Oh the benefits of being healthy!

• I found out that one of my mission companions is coming out to visit! I'm super excited to see her! I was fortunate enough to hang out with her a couple of times while I was living back East. Seriously, this girl has some wicked wit, and I always end up on the floor in fits of laughter. Oh, it's going to be good!

A few things...

Image from here

Do you ever spend too much time in your head?

I do.

I'm the queen of over-analyzing.

In some instances over-analyzing could be a good thing, but mostly not. Especially not now. My life has gone topsy-turvy, and dwelling on the craziness is giving me a headache. And that is quite exhausting.

So...
A decision has been made.
Decision:.
More time will be spent marveling on the glorious things that are happening in my life, less spent dwelling on the crummy.

I find writing these sorts of things down, is the absolute best way for me to remember that life is pretty awesome. But, I'm hoping I can keep this up longer than I have my past happy/favorite/gratitude lists from days past.

And, I might add, the items on this list will not always be serious in nature. Simple pleasures can make one happy. Expecially me.

Without further ado, a few things:

My red salt water sandals make me happy. They remind me of my childhood, except then, may favorites were white.

Sorry James McAvoy. Chris Hemsworth is my new celebrity crush. Perhaps you need to make some new films, so I can be reminded of why I loved you so. But as of now, Thor and the Huntsman rules my heart. But who knows what the future may hold?

Kroger Plain Greek Yogurt is the best. And let me tell you, I've been on the hunt for a good Greek yogurt. I have tried every single brand out there. No joke. Dannon's Oikos is a close second, and Chobani is third.

 Anberlin is rocking my world right now. Some of my mission buddies raved about Anberlin while we were in the Czech Republic. I put them on my list of bands to check out when I returned to the States. Yeah, that was 6 years ago, and I'm finally getting to it. They are amazing! Love them.

Catching up with old friends. I had that opportunity twice in the past week. There's something about sharing my deepest thoughts, fears, and successes with someone who has known me for years, and still loves me despite my flaws. I love my girlfriends. Hopefully one day I'll find that in a man! :)

Friends and Family. Thank you for all your love and encouragement. Thank you for your prayers, your sweet notes and emails. They have all buoyed me up at this time in my life. Thank you for being there!

"In three words..."

Lake Washington at Sunset

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."—Robert Frost

Robert Frost was a wise man. 

These words, among countless others, have given me such comfort this past month (a whole month!!! Inconceivable!). And I feel like I've been able to go on as well...

...except maybe for those few days

 when the magnitude of my diagnosis

 hits me like a ton of bricks.

But I'm slowly figuring it all out. 

And that's the point. 

Fancy that: What Nick Jonas and I Have in Common

Life has thrown me for a loop these past couple of weeks. One minute I was happily going about my life, and the next I'm told by my doctor to immediately go to the ER.

As some of you may know, I haven't had the most excellent health this past year. I joke that I'm allergic to Seattle--all my health problems showed their ugly faces once I moved back. I won't go into detail, but it felt like it has been one thing after another, after another. 

Two weeks ago Tuesday I was just feeling gross. I took a "mental health" day from work and hung out with my mom and took it easy. That afternoon I had an appointment with my doctor, and she wanted to take some blood tests for the symptoms I was feeling. 

Late Wednesday night I received a voicemail from my doctor telling me to immediately go to the ER. My blood sugar levels were above 600 (normal range is 70-120), and that I tested positive for diabetes. What?! She left her cell number (doctors hardly ever do that) and told me to call her right away. Which I did--after I bawled my eyes out to my parents. 

At the hospital, I was immediately admitted into the ER and had several vials of blood drawn and had at least 4 things of saline pumped into me. They found that my blood levels were above 700 (that was as far as the hospital's machine would register). It was the most surreal experience. I ended up staying two nights in the hospital--one in the ICU and the other on the floor. I have never been so uncomfortable in my life, despite all the lovely nurses and techs that were trying to "make it all better."

It's ironic--one of my main motivations for losing weight was so I would avoid getting Type 2 diabetes when I am older. It was a fear of mine, to be perfectly honest. But now, here I am, trying to navigate a new life with Type 1 diabetes. 

I'm so grateful for all the love and support I've received over the past weeks. And it's been interesting to see the Lord's hand in my life at this time, blessing me through this whole experience. There have been so many "tender mercies." For instance, one of my best friends is an ER nurse at the hospital I was admitted to and was working that night. It was a comfort to have something familiar in a strange place. And she made sure I got the good doctor who was on that night. Another: the nurse that I had that first night in the ICU was so bubbly and happy--something I needed at 2 am still going through the whole ordeal. And yet another: the fact that I live so close to my family and that my mom in particular was able to drop everything to come be with me. My parents' have been amazing, and I can't even imagine how I could have done this on my own in DC. 

The emotions I'm feeling are quite surprising. I thought I'd be fine...so many people have diabetes, it's not like I'm the only one. But it's been frustrating as I've gained back weight (!) especially after I worked so hard to lose it (I know. I'm vain. At least I'm admitting it though?). I'm frustrated with myself that I'm feeling a sense of loss. I'm told that this is normal--that I will go through a mourning period and may even feel depression and anxiety. Those last two scare me the most. 

But through all this I have learned that my Heavenly Father loves me. I should have had seizures or been in a coma with how high my blood sugar levels were, yet the day before I went into the hospital I was playing volleyball. I've had conversations with so many people that have been answers to prayer. Blessings from priesthood holders that have soothed my soul.

I can do this!

I definitely can!

Life as of now

Hi all!

Yes, I know it's been over a month since I last wrote. Shame on me. But I've noticed that as I go through transitions it's hard for me to find the time to right about them. Though, it's probably the time I need to write the most. Though it's hard to write when not a ton of positive and interesting things are going on, like a new job or an exciting love life.

I was talking to my one of my best friends, Maggie, the other day, and she told me that I should just be honest with how I feel--that it doesn't matter if everything is going peachy. So this is my attempt at describing my life, since my cross-country move.

Don't get me wrong--I'm so glad I was able to move back to Seattle.

• I love being able to go to my parents' house on Sunday evenings for dinner, or anytime I want to see them.
• I love being able to hang out with my sister and have FUN! 
• I love being able to see old friends from high school.
• I love living near my group of good friends out here. 
• I love being able to see water every day, whether it's Lake Washington or Lake Sammamish.
• I love the house I'm living in, and my awesome roommates. 
• I love the beauty of Washington State. It takes my breath away. The skies are so dramatic, it makes me want to take up painting!
• I love my old school Volvo.
• I love that I have several options for hiking, boating, biking, etc. 

Yet,

• I don't love the health problems I've been having that have completely drained my energy.
• I don't love the smell of the antibiotics I've been prescribed.
• I don't love not having a full-time job.
• I don't love not being able to see my DC friends. 

But I'm lucky that I've been able to have a temp job, and that I have a lot of people helping me look for work. It's nice knowing that I have a humongous support group here!

And really, even though life isn't terribly stable, life is pretty great for the time being.